Sunday, February 21, 2010

♥ A true surprise

With both my oldest daughter and with Audrey their pregnancies were planned and mapped out. We planned what days were best to conceive, I monitored my cycle online to make sure I was regular, etc... after we lost Audrey, I knew if we ever became pregnant again that I didn't want to plan everything and check my cycle and all of that stuff. I just wanted to let whatever happen, happen....

Well, whatever was meant to happen did in fact happen.

I went for an appointment with my gynecologist on Wednesday the 17th and got the shock of a lifetime - I'm 8 weeks pregnant! We were not planning this and hadn't even really committed to letting whatever was meant to happen just happen. I had not been regular since November and by early January I had taken so many tests that turned up negative that I had resigned myself to the idea that I was not pregnant and my body was just being screwy. I went to the Doctor in mid-January and even HE told me I wasn't pregnant. Well, after another month of a no show period I went back and he told me I am pregnant. I am due 9.26.2010. Baby measured 8 weeks and had a strong heartbeat. So, everything is looking good.

I never knew how I'd react finding out I was pregnant again after losing Audrey. I wasn't sure if I'd be happy, sad, whatever.... When the Doctor told me, I was completely blind sided and it took me a good few minutes to catch my breath. When I told my Husband, I was thrilled beyond words and he even had the same shocked but happy expression I did.

I don't know what it was with Audrey's pregnancy but I always had an uneasy feeling, like something wasn't right and even though it did shock me when I heard she was gone, part of me expected that to happen. I can't explain the feeling... it was something that I just knew. I felt it from the beginning.

Since hearing the news of my pregnancy last week, I feel at ease. I feel hopeful. I've still had my moments where I've been scared and nervous but overall, I'm thrilled and I absolutely cannot wait for September. I can't wait to hold a live baby in my arms and leave the hospital with my baby and not with empty arms.

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