Saturday, April 24, 2010

Life After You

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through

This week is going to be a tough week in my pregnancy and my stress level is on high alert right now. I am so thankful I have my doppler so I can at least ease my fears by hearing the baby's heart.

When I lost Audrey last May I had not yet known she was already gone some time before that. How I went all that time without knowing is something I still don't understand but according to the Doctor she was 18 weeks when she passed away and tomorrow will be the 18th week in my pregnancy with this baby.
I still haven't really felt this baby move yet either. I didn't feel Addison until about 19 weeks, almost 20, if I remember correctly. I've felt a few little flutters awhile ago but nothing really since then.

I just need to get through this and try to keep my sanity and tell myself "breathe in, breathe out." 
It's not as easy as it sounds when I stop and think what's about to be here in 11 days.

I keep trying to tell myself "you can do this, you can make it through her day" but in all reality, I don't know how I can. It's coming to the year mark, a whole year since the day that changed my life forever and I still feel the wounds like it was yesterday.

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