Thursday, September 9, 2010

9/9/09

September 9th, 2009 - that was the due date that came on the ultrasound screen when the Doctor did my confirmation ultrasound with Audrey. I thought that day would turn out to be my lucky day, but it looks like life had others plans.

September 9th, 2010 - I'm currently 37 and a half weeks pregnant with Audrey's little brother. I never imagined that 16 months after she died, and on her due date a year later, that I'd be where I am now. I've often thought and wondered during this whole pregnancy of the could've, should've, would've scenarios. Things could've been so much different than they are now, Audrey should've never died and had she lived, she would've been a year old now.

The day she died crushed so many hopes and dreams I had. It's taken a long time, a lot of tears, but I feel more hopeful for the future than I have in a very long time. The day she died took so many things away from me and broke so many pieces of my heart that I wasn't sure would ever get put back together again.

I'll never be the same person I was before she died, but this little boy inside of me has given me hope that I can become a better version of myself. Audrey's been the guiding light that has brought him into my life and brought us this far in my pregnancy. I pray she guides us through the remainder of my pregnancy and through a safe delivery.

I'll miss you and love you forever my sweet daughter. <3

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