Monday, October 26, 2009

I will remember you


You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here


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Tonight's a night where I find myself thinking. Thinking about how at this time, I'd have a six week old and how I'd be getting both of my girls ready for the Holidays. I wanted to put Audrey in a little pea costume or since Addie became a witch this Halloween, I might've switched my mind to something that went along with her theme.

I find myself thinking how at Thanksgiving, I'd have a two month old and I probably wouldn't get to eat much between the two kids needing me. I'm sure Addie would be climbing all over me and Audrey would need a bottle and diapers changed.

I find myself thinking about Christmas. I find myself thinking how when I go Christmas shopping I should be shopping for two little girls. Two little girls that would have been spoiled beyond your wildest dreams. Two little girls - instead it's just one. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond grateful for the one I have. She's amazing but I'm allowed and I'm entitled to think of what I was robbed of. I was robbed of that joy of having my family complete for the Holidays. Instead, while it will be joyous I'm sure, I will feel that empty piece in my heart aching. That empty part that is hers and will always be hers.

I am going to get a special ornament to put on the tree and I don't care how cold it is or how much snow is on the ground, I will go to her grave and give her a gift. She's my baby, always and forever.

I just miss her so much.

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