Thursday, November 5, 2009

Six months

Six months, 180 days, 26 weeks....

It's pretty intense when you can pin point the exact day, the exact minute in time when your whole world changed.

That day for me was May 5th, 2009. The time was 10:40 p.m.

That's when my second daughter, the daughter I didn't even know I was having until she was already gone, was born and I said "hello" and "goodbye" to her all in one minute.

I have regrets from the events that happened that day and I guess that is something I'll always have to live with.

I just wish that I could go back and change time. I'd give anything and do anything to have my daughter with me, in my arms instead of buried in the ground, never to know the wonderful family she would have been born into.

I'm absolutely terrified of the one year anniversary coming but I figure, just take it one day at a time. I have six more months to brace myself for it.

I think back to that day and every memory, every feeling still feels so fresh in my head and in my heart. It's been six months and I still have days where I feel like the Doctor just told me "I'm sorry, but there is no heart beat." In that very split second of time that it took him to say those words, my whole world and life as I knew it changed - and it will never be the same again.

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